Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Times are Tough

Since my last post, since I haven't felt like posting, the bleeding has stopped, everything has passed and today was my final blood work, hopefully. Feelings are really starting to set in and I'm anxious to try again, but also scared of this happening again. We aren't going to start trying til atleast the fall, if I can make it that long. I haven't had a period yet, so I have to wait on that anyway. Since my last post, 7 of my friends have come out saying they're pregnant and due around my due date. As I am happy for them, I can't help but feel a bit of sadness, even jealousy on occasion. Which I pray for help about. Keeping myself busy helps not to think about those feelings. Feeling that way, makes me feel like a bad mom, like I don't appreciate this little, beautiful, breath taking, almost 2 year old miracle right in front of me. The age she is at is so fun now. The truth is I can't love her enough. She's the best thing that ever happened to us. 

Satruday, Jon and I had a date night. We were so exhausted all we did was lay on the couch and watch Grey's Anatomy and then went to the movies. We saw What to Expect when you're expecting. It was a great movie and I loved it. The miscarriage part was the hardest. Jon and I just sat there and he grabbed my hand and held it tight. It was hard not to tear up, especially with the dramatic music they play. He just held my hand and after it was over, he asked if I was ok, but I think it bothered him just as much as me. 

At first, right after the shot, everyone asked me if I was ok. And I was fine really. It didn't bother me, now that time is past, realization of the situation is starting to set in. I think the only cure for it, is to get pregnant again. Depression, deep anxiety depression, runs in my family. So, I'm scared to fall into a depression, but I'm going to make sure that doesn't happen. Alexis is what pushes me through that. 

We just went on a two week roadtrip to New Jersey. My cousin got married. That'll be my next post, hopefully in a few days. 

On the staten Island Ferry

2 Wonderful Comments:

  1. Aw, mama, I've been thinking about you. I'm sorry, I don't know what else to say. I think the loss of any pregnancy would terribly hard to deal with and I get the anxiety/depression and I think I'd feel the same way. I'm not sure I get over it (odd termonolgy) unless I got pregnant again. I hope that whenever you decided to try again it happens for you! Take care mama!

  2. Cute photo. I will continue to pray for you. I want to see that movie. I am sure it was hard to watch. If I ever had a miscarriage I am sure I would want to get pregnant right away. That is just how I deal with stuff.


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