Friday, June 4, 2010

Fantastic Friday?

It's Friday. Yesterday, we had to make a hard decision. We decided for Hospice to take over care for pawpaw. He's just not going to make it and is very sick. Now, this morning, I feel like we wrote his death sentence. What if he comes out of it, if we gave it a little longer? What if he would be just fine? Did we just kill him? I guess it's a guilty feeling because the family had to make the decision. Pull the plug or no? I just hope it was the best decision and not a mistake. Seeing him laying there in the bed last night, he was just sleeping and not responsive. He looked peaceful and was breathing on his own, it was labored breathing, but it was still better than when I saw him on Monday. Is he getting better? Probably not, but what if he does or would have if he wasn't in hospice? I feel kinda lost at the moment. It doesn't help that I've been up since 6am. I don't know.

I do know my baby shower is tomorrow, which is something to look forward to. Even though he could pass at anytime, he would have wanted me to enjoy the day. I think we'll have some fun, always do.

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